Abandon Hoping "It Just Works™", All Ye Who Enter!

I'll start off with the disclaimer that I R NEWB. This is my first time attempting to install OS X on a PC, and to further complicate things, I totally did not take any future hackintoshin' when I bought the components for the Core 2 Quad system I built for myself last year. I just aimed for the best possible bang-for-the-buck, while ensuring that I would not be sorry about what I bought come 12 months later. But lo-and-behold, I find myself wanting to do some stuff that my 4-year-old Macbook just groans through, mostly due to 5400 rpm hard drives and intergrated graphics chips.

My fiancee will no doubt roll her eyes with hyperspatial intensity at the thought of me actually trying to justify the mutilation of a perfectly capable computer I just built six months ago into some EULA-disregarding, philosophically errant, entirely unsupported monstrosity.

Needless to say, it doesn't "just work"! ...not yet, anyway.